The ‘Times of the Great Unknown’ as I have nicknamed this modern crisis has thrown a wrench into the cogs of most of our lives.  While others have found the time to slow down, process, and get to projects long over due, I find myself continuing my daily commute.  While I drive the same path, everything surrounding my daily shuttle and the office workflow have changed.  Everyday is a new type of different.  Hard decisions are having to be made and some days are emotionally charged.  My new norm has become the ‘unknown’.

My two high schoolers are stuck in the house each day, trying to navigate this new form of learning from home.  That being said, my house has gotten out of control right after I had finally gotten it in order.  Of course, getting it in order required that I scale back on my writing time and enlist (draft) the entire household into helping me, but in only 3ish weeks of quarantined living everything has gone to pot.  All weekly routines have been thrown out the window because they don’t work in our new norm.  I come home to more questions than I have answers for.

Honestly though, it’s not the loss of routine nor the lack of control that is bothering me.  It’s not the virus or the possibility of death, even though both are things to be avoided.  What has constantly ebbed and flowed into my thoughts and tried to buffer against my peace has been the thought of missing out on my son’s graduation from bootcamp.  Not knowing when I might see him again is part of the military journey, but missing out on the pomp and circumstance of his graduation and the cancellation of his 10 day leave was not something I had prepared for.  When he enlisted, I knew that the possibility of the unknown could always rear its ugly head, so it’s not the unknown that is troubling me.

Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad?  (Psalms 42:5a NLT)  I knew that I was struggling with something, but I hadn’t been able to identify what it was.  One of the reasons is that I don’t process with others around me.  I have to get alone which is nearly impossible when you are under lock down at work and supposed to be quarantined at home.  Not only do I have to find alone time in order to get to the bottom of things, but I need to experience nature all around me.  I have to taste and see, smell, absorb, and be a part of.  And that was it.  That is what I was struggling with.  I couldn’t be a part of my son’s happiest day.  I was dealing with feelings of being left out, left behind.

And then I thought of how many times, we do this to God.  How many times do we say, “Thanks, God, but I got this now?”  How many times do we look for a solution before asking for His input?  How often do we rush forward and then ask Him to bless the works of our hands and our ideas instead of dedicating and turning them over to Him from the very beginning?  We were made for Him, to be in fellowship with Him at all times.

If I felt bereft over missing one major event in the life of my son, how must God feel when we exclude Him from ours?  This revelation was a great reminder for me to not allow circumstances, success, failure, or anything else to come between me and my relationship with God because He is my hope.  His Word is my foundation.  

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (Romans 8:35, 37 NIV)

When you hear the words ‘deep waters’ what word picture comes to mind?  Drowning, an overwhelming life, COVID-19, the deep end of the swimming pool?  Normally these words would remind me of overwhelming circumstances, but today I am drawn to them with a different narrative, a new word picture.  

Could it be that during these uncertain times God is calling us into the deep?  A deep study of His Word, His character?  Is he asking you to allow all of the noises of the World to fade away as we ride on the ocean waves of His love?  

Is He separating us from things that hold us back, from countless activities and tasks that we have chosen to replace Him with?  

If you’re like me and you are hearing that gentle call to go even deeper; that still small voice that is asking you to let go of the shore and explore the deepest depths of God’s love: don’t be afraid to answer His call.  His love is sweeter than honey.  Why don’t you take the time to answer?  Why not taste and see that the Lord is good?  Why not venture into His loving arms?  He is waiting for you.  

With all of the hype and fear surrounding the Coronavirus, I see a call to serve others, an opportunity to share the love of Christ in a big way.  I am reminded of the verse, Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2 NIV)

So what does it look like to carry one another’s burdens?  There are so many different ways we can do this.  When someone can no longer believe or hope, we can believe and hope for them.  We can hold them up in prayer.  The ways we can serve each other are endless.  

A few months back my daughter chose to carry another’s burdens in a big way.  Through the walls of our living room, we heard an accident outside.  The piercing howl of the injured animal drew my darling girl.  Without thought of what she might see, she rushed out the door and toward the anguished cries of a young dog.  When the driver of the car fled the scene, my daughter choose to do something.  Moved with compassion, she climbed into the ditch and cradled the dog’s head until the very end.  My baby girl couldn’t imagine leaving the animal alone unloved, so she stayed carrying the dogs burden the only way she could by offering her comforting presence.  

Over the years, I’ve had people step in and carry my burdens.  When our middle daughter died, parents that had also lost a child long before it was time, came and stood next to us at her funeral.  They didn’t offer us words of comfort, instead they supported us with their presence.  I will never forget how that made me feel nor how it gave me the courage to face the rest of that day.         

Recently a teen I know with a bad home life has been on my heart.  I have been trying to find a safe place for them to go, but have come up empty handed.  While pouring my heart out in prayer, the opening verse came to mind and I realized that God was asking me to step in and carry this burden myself.  So I took the idea to my family expecting to be buffeted.  Instead, I found that the other’s in my household were experiencing the same promptings I was.

A few days later, I was notified of a group that was looking for parents to adopt a child for graduation.  There are young adults who won’t have anyone there for them on their big day.  So I approached my husband who exclaimed, “Why not!  I guess God is asking us to be a parent to the unwanted, unloved, and parentless.

How can you carry someone else’s burden today?  Is there someone in your circle who needs you to stand in the gap for them?  When God places someone in our paths or on our hearts, let us not sit back and wait for someone else to step in.  Instead, let us be the arms and feet of Jesus that we might fulfill the law of Christ.  

Last week I was approached by someone who wanted advice on how to stop being a victim.  They asked me when I had stopped giving off the vibes that so many sexual assault victims give off.  You know, the ones that get us in trouble, the invisible ones that predators just seem to sense.  They wanted to know what I had done and how I had changed so that they too could overcome the devastating effects that abuse brings.

As I prepared my answer, I was aware that she wanted steps, things she could do to fix the problem.  But the only solution I could offer didn’t come from a checklist.  It didn’t happen because I had followed a program or read a book.   The outcome wasn’t a result of something I had done or didn’t do.  The difference in me was a result of healing and that healing came through the person of Jesus Christ.  

I knew that the message of the cross might be seen as a foolish explanation, but I also knew that it was more than a quick fix.  It had the power to transform lives, and it’s truth had transformed mine.  The message of the cross is foolish to those that are headed for destruction!  But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God.  I Corinthians 1:18 (NLT)

So I offered her the only truth I had to give.  I would like to share it with you as well.

Reader,  

I’ll be honest with you.  I didn’t stop giving off vibes until I got my healing.  My healing didn’t come until I admitted to myself that I would never be enough in and of myself, but that Christ had made me enough through the blood of His sacrifice.  I accepted that God doesn’t love me because of something I can do or something I can bring, but He loves me with an unexplainable love.  I can accept that love and grace as the free gift it is or I can try to earn it. If I try to earn it, I am stuck in a vicious cycle of wrongs and rights, successes and failures, and constant comparison.  If I accept it, then I have to trust Him with all that I am, completely surrendering to Him and resting in His love.  It means that my self worth isn’t tied to who I am, but to who He is and what He says about me.  There is such a freedom in knowing that no matter what someone else thinks or knows about me, they do not have the power to change how God feels about me.  When I am faced with feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, or failure I remember who I am and who I belong to.  It makes all the difference.  Because I know that I am one of God’s adopted princesses, the apple of His eye, I can face hard things with courage.  My circumstances and the thoughts and opinions of others no longer have dominion over me because I am a Child of God.  That is my identity.  Now I know that my size, my weight, my figure, none of that matters.  At the end of the day it doesn’t matter whether I attracted or repulsed someone.  God is all the approval I need.  Does any of this make sense?  Knowing who I am gave me the courage to set healthy boundaries.  (Gave me the courage to rest in someone else’s care.)

Have you ever had a meeting, court appearance, speaking engagement, or any other function where you had to be on your best behavior? One where you knew that you couldn’t show any real emotion? A time you were required to wear a mask of perfection, but you didn’t have the emotional energy to hide what you were going through any longer? I am there today.

Today I must walk through the doors of a courtroom and talk before a judge. I must be concise, direct, and not emotional. BUT today, I am vulnerable and my emotions are raw. I am weary from playing catch up at work, trying to keep a house clean, deal with the emotions of not having my son home for my birthday (our birthdays are family affairs), and all of the other things we constantly juggle in our day to day lives.

This is why I am so glad that God allows us to be vulnerable. That he doesn’t require masks that declare ‘all is well’. Growing up in a house of boys, I quickly learned that weakness and emotion didn’t go over well with the males of the household. I was better off if I didn’t display those unwanted inconveniences. This was especially hard for me, a sensitive girl who empathized with all of those around me. I wanted to fit in, to be one of the guys, so I desperately tried to hide the softer side of myself.

Because I saw God as one of ‘the boys’, I didn’t know that it was okay to bring my weaknesses or emotions to the feet of Jesus. I didn’t understand that I could approach the throne of grace just as I was. This misconception caused me to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, a burden God never meant for me to bear.

Every flaw I hid. Everything about me that wasn’t perfect, I worked at perfecting. I tried in my own strength to make myself good enough for the King of the Universe instead of accepting that I would never be enough and resting in His grace for me. Of course, God knew this about me and all of mankind in advance. It’s why He sent His Son, why He showed His great love for us in this, while we were still sinners Christ died for us. See Romans 5:8.

So today, on one of those days where my emotions are showing, while I’m struggling to keep my weariness in check, and before I walk into the court of man; I am eternally grateful that I can approach the throne of grace just as I am. I can come before Him the wretched, grumpy, and tired woman I am, without pretense, allowing Him to see my weaknesses and laying them all down at His feet in humble surrender. I am thankful that before I must walk through the doors of an earthly courtroom today, I can come before the heavenly courtroom and find rest for my weary soul.

So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God. (Romans 5:11 NLT)

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (I Peter 5:7 NLT)

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (NIV)

While I wanted to title this when Bad Things Happen to Good People, the truth is that hard times come to both the good and the not so good.  Troubles are not a respecter of persons nor are they proof that God is punishing you.  

Sometimes they are a consequence of our bad choices, but that is for another blog post.  Today, I want to talk about the struggles we face just because we live in a fallen world.  

Like job loss, relationship issues, death, sickness, financial struggles, and other catastrophic losses.  It’s during these hard times where our choices and attitudes really matter.  Hard times are even harder when we let our feelings dictate our actions and when we have a misconstrued idea of who God really is.  

Recently I was talking to a friend about an event in their life that they have never moved past.  An event that shook them to their core, altered the course of their life, and one which they almost allowed to bankrupt their own family.  One life event almost shattered them completely and still today they are angry with God for allowing them to walk through it.  

I understand their anger.  When my daughter, Audrey died, I was pretty angry too.  In fact, I still remember the car ride where I screamed at Him.  The trip to church where I told God that He wasn’t just and then laid out all the evidence in proof of my accusation.  

But the truth of that day was that I wanted my way, my rights more than I trusted in the goodness of God.  I had allowed my sight (the circumstances around me) to alter my perception of who God is.

God didn’t stop being just or loving, or kind because something tragic rocked my world.  He was the same faithful God He has always been.  It was my perception of Him that changed that day because I choose to see Him through the lenses of my circumstances.  

My friend is still there.  They haven’t moved forward and it is heartbreaking to watch.  They wrongly believe that God either hates them or is punishing them for some unknown sin.  I’ve tried to share the truth with them, but in their pain they refuse or cannot see.

When hard times come, we must have a faith that is based upon our own experiences with God or we won’t be able to withstand the storm.  We can’t rely on our Grandparent’s or Pastor’s or Parent’s, or Sunday School Teacher’s relationship and knowledge of God to get us through it or sustain us.

Unless we know God ourselves, unless we understand who He is and know His heart, we won’t trust Him blindly, but will find ourselves trusting in what we see around us.  In Judges we find this with the Israelite people.  In Chapter 2 verse 7 it says, And the Israelites served the Lord throughout the lifetime of Joshua and the leaders who outlived him – those who had seen all the great things the Lord had done for Israel.  And then in verses 10-11 it goes further, After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the mighty things he had done for Israel.  The Israelites did evil in the Lord’s sight and served the images of Baal.  (NLT). 

We must experience the greatness of God for ourselves.  We must taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalms 34:8).  God is calling out to you from His Word.  I beseech you to read it, to pour over it, to drown yourself in it.  Knock on the door of His heart.  If you seek Him with all that you are, He promises that you will find Him.  “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 29: 13-14a NIV)  

When we know His voice, His heart, and who He really is, the storms of this life aren’t as scary or earth shattering because the foundation of our trust is built upon the unshakable Rock that is our God.  

For we live by faith, not by sight.  (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV)

For we live by believing and not by seeing.  (2 Cor. 5:7 NLT)

For we walk by faith, not by sight.  (2 Cor. 5:7 NKJV)

I never thought I would see the day when a woman would stand up in front of a crowd and on national television to declare that the murder of her unborn child was praiseworthy and admirable.  I never thought I would see people spitting on military graves or wishing for the death of those who have bravely risked their lives for us.  But, I have witnessed all of the above.  I see it every day.  Lives destroyed because one person sees their life as more valuable than someone else’s. 

What happened to the days where sacrifice was seen as love?  Where sacrificial living was praised and worthy of report?  Where parents sacrificed their dreams so that their children could pursue their own?  When men and women who sacrifice comfort, holidays, and even their own lives were seen as heroes? 

When did we become so ungrateful and self-serving as a society?  When did a mother that stays at home with her children to make sure that they are cared for emotionally and physically become a drain on society, while a woman that aborts her child so that she can pursue her own career is seen as a hero? 

Today when I look around I see a blatant display of selfish living.  Selfishness and sacrifice have done a flip flop in the eyes of the world.  It’s now all about me, me, me and instant gratification.  Sacrifice is seen as weakness while accomplishments at any cost are seen as strength.  But what good is it, if we gain the whole world and yet lose our souls in the process?  (Mark 8:36 paraphrased by me.)

Today we are told that the only way to be someone is to achieve something.  That we are heroes when we achieve success at the cost of others.  But the Bible sees it differently.  According to the Word of God, we are someone when he live a sacrificial life.  When we live a life poured out for others we are true representatives of Christ who gave himself up for us. 

We can’t be the church and live to please ourselves.  We were called to follow the example of Christ.  To offer our bodies as living sacrifices.  To not worry about who is right or who is wrong, but to speak truth in love and to glorify God in all that we do. 

We can only do this when we live our lives to please God and Him alone.  When our actions are not based on religious obligation but are an overflow of a real, genuine relationship with Jesus Christ.  The I’s and Me’s of this world must be replaced with His desires and His direction for our lives.

Let us all redirect the way we currently live.  Taking our eyes off of ourselves and fervently living in the moment for Him.  Asking for eyes to see, ears to hear, hearts willing to obey, and feet ready to engage.  Let us lives our lives as Romans 12:1-2 (NLT) states so boldly:  And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you.  Let them be a living and holy sacrifice – the kind He will find acceptable.  This is truly the way to worship Him.  Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

When life becomes overwhelming to the point that I can’t make headway, I have a tendency to enter a state of boredom.  ‘How can I possibly be bored when I have so much to do?’ you might ask.  

Well, maybe boredom wasn’t the right word.  The truth is, I stop finding enjoyment and fulfillment in my tasks.  My creative juices stop flowing and I begin to just go through the motions, the paces of life.  

This is not where God wants His people.  He wants everything we do to be done with a thankful heart.  He wants us to live our lives to the fullest.  He bought our freedom so that we could LIVE not just EXIST.  

When I start to feel the tugging of discontentment, boredom, or even a lack of interest in things I normally find enjoyable, I know it’s time to take action.  I can allow these feelings to overwhelm me or I can run to my Rock for strength, my Fortress for shelter, and my Friend for comfort.  He never disappoints.  

He is always there when I call.  I never get a busy signal.  He never tells me to call back later or avoids my attempts to get together.  In fact, He welcomes me.  His love refreshes me.  Spending time in His presence gives me a fresh perspective, a new energy, and a song of praise.  

Psalms 61:1-4 (NLT)  Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.  From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.  I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.  

This week I had the privilege of watching our oldest son be sworn into military service and transported off to boot camp.  To say my heart and mind were full would be an understatement.  

I found myself pondering over the fact that in early 1997, I was told that I would not be able to sustain a pregnancy.  In another words, I could get pregnant, but it wouldn’t result in the birth of children.  BUT amazingly, our God had other plans for my life and I was watching one of them now.  

As much as I love my oldest son, I learned long ago that he doesn’t belong to me.  He never has.  He has been entrusted to my care, but he belongs to God.  When he was born, I was given the priveledge and responsibility of nourishing, providing, teaching, training, disciplining, sacrificing, and all of the other duties that come with being a parent.  

These duties have changed quite a bit over time, especially in the last few years.  As he has gotten older I have adjusted my role as his mother to fit our growing relationship and to enable him to become a man in his own right.

When he stood before the flag on Monday pledging to uphold the Constitution and to defend our country and it’s citizens, I wasn’t looking on through the lenses of a son’s mother.  Instead, I was seeing him through the eyes of a friend, cheerleader, and prayer warrior.

The old tasks and roles I had played as his mother have been put away, the door closed as it should be.  And a new door has been opened.  It is this unfolding chapter that I look forward to exploring as I learn to love, serve, and let go so that he can become all that God has called him to be.