A CAUTIONARY TALE REGARDING FAILURE

And Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men. Colossians 3:23 (NKJV)

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, or months where every moment seems to be a lesson in failure?  Maybe it’s even begun to feel like a season of failings.  If so, I’m right there with you.  

Early this year, I said ‘yes’ to pursuing one of my God given dreams.  With this pursuit, came a lot of time restricting hoops which I juggled well with the help of my family.  But then new hoops were required and these were outside of the boundaries of my talents and abilities.  If time constriction wasn’t stressful enough, taking on things I am not good at and don’t have the time to give my best to was a weight I wasn’t ready to emotionally bear.  

The truth is, I don’t want to just give my best, I want to give my PERFECT.  Hence my problem.  I’ll even let you in on a little secret: One of my biggest lifelong struggles has been the fear of failure.  The fear, of not being enough or of not being good enough.  And recently, I have been faced with all of these feelings coming from all fronts.

I find a sense of accomplishment when I am able to see a job through from start to finish, but that was no longer possible with the weight of my workload.  Even my house joined the melee of my failings. It went from looking picture perfect and company ready to looking more like a Natural Disaster blew through.  Scratch that, it looks more like a war zone and the Axis Powers are winning.  S-T-R-I-K-E!

While perusing my dream and at a conference far from home, I was informed that I forgot to pre-register my kids for school.  STRIKE TWO!

And if the odds against me weren’t bad enough, the third strike came when my bruised and battered, rejected and redirected heart got called into my bosses office shortly after I got home.  I was called to give an account of everything I was currently behind on.

Well, that would be ABSOLUTELY everything.  I had been drowning for months and even though I had explained that I was only one person and couldn’t take on any more outside projects and keep on task, my voice fell on deaf ears.  

I walked out of that office completely humiliated and dejected.  Plodding down the hall back to my workspace, I tried to convince myself that running away or quitting weren’t valid options for me.  

I plopped onto my chair and placed my head down on the desk crying out to God in inner pleadings only He could hear.  I didn’t know how much more failure I could possibly take.

That is when I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit, “Who do you work for?”  It was like a fresh breath of air filled my lungs.  I knew who I worked for.  I labored for God.  Everyday I submitted the work of my hands to Him.  I made an effort to do my very best in order to please Him.  So what did I have to fear?

If my work was truly done for the glory of God and Him alone, then it didn’t matter what my boss thought.  It only mattered what God thought.  My limits and abilities might be so much smaller that I would like them to be, but my God is bigger than my failures…Bigger than my limits.  He is able to use a cracked vessel like me for great things beyond my comprehension.  

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)