The Great Unknown
The ‘Times of the Great Unknown’ as I have nicknamed this modern crisis has thrown a wrench into the cogs of most of our lives. While others have found the time to slow down, process, and get to projects long over due, I find myself continuing my daily commute. While I drive the same path, everything surrounding my daily shuttle and the office workflow have changed. Everyday is a new type of different. Hard decisions are having to be made and some days are emotionally charged. My new norm has become the ‘unknown’.
My two high schoolers are stuck in the house each day, trying to navigate this new form of learning from home. That being said, my house has gotten out of control right after I had finally gotten it in order. Of course, getting it in order required that I scale back on my writing time and enlist (draft) the entire household into helping me, but in only 3ish weeks of quarantined living everything has gone to pot. All weekly routines have been thrown out the window because they don’t work in our new norm. I come home to more questions than I have answers for.
Honestly though, it’s not the loss of routine nor the lack of control that is bothering me. It’s not the virus or the possibility of death, even though both are things to be avoided. What has constantly ebbed and flowed into my thoughts and tried to buffer against my peace has been the thought of missing out on my son’s graduation from bootcamp. Not knowing when I might see him again is part of the military journey, but missing out on the pomp and circumstance of his graduation and the cancellation of his 10 day leave was not something I had prepared for. When he enlisted, I knew that the possibility of the unknown could always rear its ugly head, so it’s not the unknown that is troubling me.
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? (Psalms 42:5a NLT) I knew that I was struggling with something, but I hadn’t been able to identify what it was. One of the reasons is that I don’t process with others around me. I have to get alone which is nearly impossible when you are under lock down at work and supposed to be quarantined at home. Not only do I have to find alone time in order to get to the bottom of things, but I need to experience nature all around me. I have to taste and see, smell, absorb, and be a part of. And that was it. That is what I was struggling with. I couldn’t be a part of my son’s happiest day. I was dealing with feelings of being left out, left behind.
And then I thought of how many times, we do this to God. How many times do we say, “Thanks, God, but I got this now?” How many times do we look for a solution before asking for His input? How often do we rush forward and then ask Him to bless the works of our hands and our ideas instead of dedicating and turning them over to Him from the very beginning? We were made for Him, to be in fellowship with Him at all times.
If I felt bereft over missing one major event in the life of my son, how must God feel when we exclude Him from ours? This revelation was a great reminder for me to not allow circumstances, success, failure, or anything else to come between me and my relationship with God because He is my hope. His Word is my foundation.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (Romans 8:35, 37 NIV)
