Here I am Send Me-or-Not

I have been operating in a ‘Lord, here I am send me, send my family’ mindset for the last few years.  It has been an almost daily prayer, a prayer that we would put our agendas out of the way and be ready to re-align our wills with God’s whenever and wherever He directed.  That was, until last week when God’s will threatened my comfort zone, the relationship I have with my oldest son.  

That morning on my way to work, I had asked God to direct my son’s steps, to send him down the path that God had prepared for him.  I had asked God to have His way with my son.  BUT, that was before the text that rocked my world, the message that knocked the air from my lungs.  That was before God asked me to face my biggest fear for my oldest child and not just face it, but live it.  

In that moment, I went from a Samuel like faith, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening” to a Moses like interaction with God.  ‘Um, Excuse me, Almighty King of the Universe who Knows Everything, I think you picked the wrong person for this job.  You see, I’m not qualified.  I’m a mom that actually loves her kid and wants a relationship with him.  You’re asking me to not just let go and let him soar, but you’re asking me to give up knowing where he is and being able to contact him.  That’s just too much for my mommy heart.  Didn’t you mean to ask the mom down the street, the one who can’t wait to give her boy the boot?  Isn’t that the woman you meant to call for this mission?’

But even as my heart, mind, and spirit warred within me, I knew the truth.  I knew that this was a part of His plan and that He chose me because I wasn’t qualified.  He was giving me an opportunity to grow closer to Him.  A call to go even deeper in His Word.  My mission, should I accept it, was to rely on His strength so that He could have glory even in this affliction of my heart.  

In order to do this and do this well, I must abide and remain in Him.  I have to remember that I am loved by the King of the Universe and live it out loud.  Meaning that I must re-surrender my wants and desires (daily if needed, honestly, I might want to make that hourly).  I must allow the Holy Spirit to re-align my will and bring it under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.  This is one more instance where I must unfurl my hands and choose to walk in complete abandon to my King.  

Is there something in your life that you need to lay down, a portion that you’re afraid to trust God with?  Has He been asking you to surrender it over to Him, but you’ve allowed fear to hold you hostage?  Is it time to unfurl those hands?  Is it time for you to take a leap?  

If so, will you join me in lifting our hearts and hands with complete abandon and surrender?  Will you also count the cost and choose to follow after Christ regardless of the turbulent storms around you, choosing the glory of God above all else?  

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.  (Psalms 9:10 NLT)