Being a parent can be scary.  In fact, battling worry comes with the job title.  We start out doing everything for these little humans because they are dependent on us for life, but end up having to let go so that they can learn to soar on their own.  For me, that day has come and I am trying to do it with grace.  

But the last two weeks have not been easy.  Have you ever decided to face something without fear only to get ambushed on all sides by other people’s worries?  For the last two weeks, I have experienced this in a BIG way.  Well-intentioned friends and family have been trying to offer me comfort by lovingly sharing their fears with me.  One well-meaning friend even went so far as to explain the probability of my son’s death if he follows his chosen path.  (Yes, this mamma heart got to hear that as well.)

Both of my boys have decided on dangerous jobs.  Jobs with great risks.  Careers that are even more risky in today’s political climate.  One has chosen to become a United States Marine and the other has plans to go into law enforcement.  My sons have hearts that want to serve others.  They are both Super Heroes that desire to fight for justice in their own unique ways.

As a former Marine wife, I know the emotional cost my sons may bear.  I know that the drain of missed holidays and ungrateful people can take its toll.  As a parent, I know the value of each and every day my kids have on this earth and I don’t want to see that cut short.  But as a loving mother, I also want to see them chase their God given dreams.  Why would I allow my worries for tomorrow to keep them from fulfilling their God given purposes?      

And though I want what is best for them, listening to the fears of others, even well meaning fears has taken a toll on my emotions.  So how do I deal with these fears?  Fears that could become reality?  I have to decide what I really believe and then I must stand firmly on it.  

What do I believe?  I believe that the God who knows the number of hairs on my head loves my children much more than I do.  I know that He loved them so much that He gave His life as a ransom for them.  So I will choose to lay aside the vice-grip of worry and instead take each day of this mamma life in surrendered faith.  Living day by day.  For I have no control over the outcome of my children’s lives, but I trust the One who does.  “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today’s trouble is enough for today.”  Matthew 6:34 NLT

The last three weeks have been a test of endurance, grace, and limits for our little family.  There were days I wondered if I should just throw in the towel and cry ‘Uncle’.  Times where I found myself singing Tubthumping by Chumbawamba.  ‘I get knocked down, but I get up again…’  

Yesterday was just a continuation of that fun.  I spent my lunch hour talking to the DMV, County Clerk’s office, and the insurance company regarding an infraction I couldn’t possibly be guilty of as I was sitting in my office at work and not to mention, a state away when it happened.  But as I learned yesterday I am guilty until proven innocent in a court of law.  

If all of this wasn’t enough, before my lunch was over, I get a call from my husband.  One of our kids was involved in an auto accident with another student and we were dealing with a mamma bear.  I found myself leaving work abruptly.  Fielding a myriad number of calls and texts from the Sherif’s office, work, school, and the insurance company.  

As my cellphone ceaselessly vibrated in the cup holder next to me, when I tried to cheer up my son that was so downtrodden by the events of the day, while I tried to make sense of all that was going on around me, I began to sing.  I sang Psalm 118:24, This is the day the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it. (NLT)  This led me to sing Philippians 4:4, Rejoice in the Lord always.  Again I will say, rejoice! (NKJV)  

On days like these I am so thankful for the scriptures and for songs written from them. They remind me to keep my focus on the only one who can guide me safely through the storm.  I lift my eyes to the mountains- where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2

I have two speeds hot and cold, on and off, or should I say fast and slow?  It’s very hard for me to operate in the middle.

But the middle is where I’ve learned to reside.  It’s the perfect balance between striving and giving up.  Owning it all and not taking responsibility.  It’s where I’ve learned to soar on the currents of God’s winds in full surrender and trust.  

I reside in this middle as long as my priorities remain in check.  As long as I keep my appointments with God.  As long as I find that daily time to be still.  

But what happens to this introvert when I’m hit on all sides?  When every moment of everyday is filled to overflowing with responsibilities, to do lists, and people?  When I can’t find that quality time with God or that time to just be still?  What happens when stress, exhaustion, and anxiety meet?  

I can honestly say it’s not pretty.  I know what to do, but as the Apostle Paul mentioned in Romans 7:15, I don’t do it.  When my whole world starts to implode I do one of two things.  I either shut down emotionally due to overload or I become the biggest of strivers increasing my stress and speed with each and every minute.  Neither one of these is good.  

So when the going gets tough, when I find myself overwhelmed, striving, or shutting down, I must run to the arms of Jesus.  I need to sit at the feet of God.  For He is my hiding place;  He protects me from trouble.  He surrounds me with songs of victory.  Psalms 32:7  

He is my peace, my anchor, my strength, the lifter of my head.  He is all I need, so I will take refuge in Him and sing His praises forevermore.  Psalm 118:28 (NLT)  You are my God, and I will praise you!  You are my God and I will exalt you!