Have you ever had a meeting, court appearance, speaking engagement, or any other function where you had to be on your best behavior? One where you knew that you couldn’t show any real emotion? A time you were required to wear a mask of perfection, but you didn’t have the emotional energy to hide what you were going through any longer? I am there today.

Today I must walk through the doors of a courtroom and talk before a judge. I must be concise, direct, and not emotional. BUT today, I am vulnerable and my emotions are raw. I am weary from playing catch up at work, trying to keep a house clean, deal with the emotions of not having my son home for my birthday (our birthdays are family affairs), and all of the other things we constantly juggle in our day to day lives.

This is why I am so glad that God allows us to be vulnerable. That he doesn’t require masks that declare ‘all is well’. Growing up in a house of boys, I quickly learned that weakness and emotion didn’t go over well with the males of the household. I was better off if I didn’t display those unwanted inconveniences. This was especially hard for me, a sensitive girl who empathized with all of those around me. I wanted to fit in, to be one of the guys, so I desperately tried to hide the softer side of myself.

Because I saw God as one of ‘the boys’, I didn’t know that it was okay to bring my weaknesses or emotions to the feet of Jesus. I didn’t understand that I could approach the throne of grace just as I was. This misconception caused me to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, a burden God never meant for me to bear.

Every flaw I hid. Everything about me that wasn’t perfect, I worked at perfecting. I tried in my own strength to make myself good enough for the King of the Universe instead of accepting that I would never be enough and resting in His grace for me. Of course, God knew this about me and all of mankind in advance. It’s why He sent His Son, why He showed His great love for us in this, while we were still sinners Christ died for us. See Romans 5:8.

So today, on one of those days where my emotions are showing, while I’m struggling to keep my weariness in check, and before I walk into the court of man; I am eternally grateful that I can approach the throne of grace just as I am. I can come before Him the wretched, grumpy, and tired woman I am, without pretense, allowing Him to see my weaknesses and laying them all down at His feet in humble surrender. I am thankful that before I must walk through the doors of an earthly courtroom today, I can come before the heavenly courtroom and find rest for my weary soul.

So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God. (Romans 5:11 NLT)

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (I Peter 5:7 NLT)

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (NIV)

While I wanted to title this when Bad Things Happen to Good People, the truth is that hard times come to both the good and the not so good.  Troubles are not a respecter of persons nor are they proof that God is punishing you.  

Sometimes they are a consequence of our bad choices, but that is for another blog post.  Today, I want to talk about the struggles we face just because we live in a fallen world.  

Like job loss, relationship issues, death, sickness, financial struggles, and other catastrophic losses.  It’s during these hard times where our choices and attitudes really matter.  Hard times are even harder when we let our feelings dictate our actions and when we have a misconstrued idea of who God really is.  

Recently I was talking to a friend about an event in their life that they have never moved past.  An event that shook them to their core, altered the course of their life, and one which they almost allowed to bankrupt their own family.  One life event almost shattered them completely and still today they are angry with God for allowing them to walk through it.  

I understand their anger.  When my daughter, Audrey died, I was pretty angry too.  In fact, I still remember the car ride where I screamed at Him.  The trip to church where I told God that He wasn’t just and then laid out all the evidence in proof of my accusation.  

But the truth of that day was that I wanted my way, my rights more than I trusted in the goodness of God.  I had allowed my sight (the circumstances around me) to alter my perception of who God is.

God didn’t stop being just or loving, or kind because something tragic rocked my world.  He was the same faithful God He has always been.  It was my perception of Him that changed that day because I choose to see Him through the lenses of my circumstances.  

My friend is still there.  They haven’t moved forward and it is heartbreaking to watch.  They wrongly believe that God either hates them or is punishing them for some unknown sin.  I’ve tried to share the truth with them, but in their pain they refuse or cannot see.

When hard times come, we must have a faith that is based upon our own experiences with God or we won’t be able to withstand the storm.  We can’t rely on our Grandparent’s or Pastor’s or Parent’s, or Sunday School Teacher’s relationship and knowledge of God to get us through it or sustain us.

Unless we know God ourselves, unless we understand who He is and know His heart, we won’t trust Him blindly, but will find ourselves trusting in what we see around us.  In Judges we find this with the Israelite people.  In Chapter 2 verse 7 it says, And the Israelites served the Lord throughout the lifetime of Joshua and the leaders who outlived him – those who had seen all the great things the Lord had done for Israel.  And then in verses 10-11 it goes further, After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the mighty things he had done for Israel.  The Israelites did evil in the Lord’s sight and served the images of Baal.  (NLT). 

We must experience the greatness of God for ourselves.  We must taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalms 34:8).  God is calling out to you from His Word.  I beseech you to read it, to pour over it, to drown yourself in it.  Knock on the door of His heart.  If you seek Him with all that you are, He promises that you will find Him.  “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 29: 13-14a NIV)  

When we know His voice, His heart, and who He really is, the storms of this life aren’t as scary or earth shattering because the foundation of our trust is built upon the unshakable Rock that is our God.  

For we live by faith, not by sight.  (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV)

For we live by believing and not by seeing.  (2 Cor. 5:7 NLT)

For we walk by faith, not by sight.  (2 Cor. 5:7 NKJV)