I Don’t Have Time for This

Have you ever really needed rest, but didn’t have the time to stop?  I was there last week.  In fact, I had been telling my family over and over as more and more people in our community came down with the flu that I didn’t have time to get sick.  BUT that didn’t stop my body from coming down with the dreaded virus.  I was hunky-dory and fine one minute and down for the count the next.  

Being sick wasn’t the bad part.  The hard part was giving myself grace and allowing myself to take the time needed to recover.  As I stated before, I didn’t have time to be sick.  I’m working through the edits on my book, preparing for company, having to set aside time to write my son daily, working on a weekly blog, trying to close out the month of January at work, and so much more.  There is just too much to do and only 1 of me.  I was spread too thin.  

So on Wednesday morning even though I could barely stand up, I tried to get ready for work.  It was a frustrating comedy of errors while I dropped my toothbrush followed by countless other mishaps.  I finally had to face the truth and admit to myself that I was sick.  This resulted in being sent to the doctor where I also tried to convince them I was fine.  They knew better as did the test results.

I can’t tell you how guilty I felt for not being able to go to work and close out month end before the 5th or how guilty I felt for letting my co-workers down when I knew that the only other accountant was out of the office as well.  

The old me would have let this eat me up inside.  I would have constantly analyzed my failures and how they would affect everyone around me.  I would have then convinced myself of how worthless I really was becoming a basket case in the process.  But the new me, the redeemed hot mess, she knows where her worth comes from.  And it is not from my own abilities or lack there-of.  It comes from the blood of Jesus Christ who bought my freedom, redeemed me, adopted me into His family, and set me on a firm foundation.  I couldn’t allow negative self-talk to rob me of these truths.  

So I fought my feelings with truth and the Word of God.  I choose to see the sickness as a much needed chance to rest and instead of complaining, thanked God for it.

Now that wasn’t the end of the battle, on Monday as I drove to work, I started to wrestle with feelings of failure.  I knew how far behind I was going to be when I walked through the doors of my office, but reminding myself of who I am in Christ, I took captive and surrendered each thought back to God.  Knowing, that in Him, I am enough and that He would see me through each day.