Approaching the Throne of Grace

Have you ever had a meeting, court appearance, speaking engagement, or any other function where you had to be on your best behavior? One where you knew that you couldn’t show any real emotion? A time you were required to wear a mask of perfection, but you didn’t have the emotional energy to hide what you were going through any longer? I am there today.

Today I must walk through the doors of a courtroom and talk before a judge. I must be concise, direct, and not emotional. BUT today, I am vulnerable and my emotions are raw. I am weary from playing catch up at work, trying to keep a house clean, deal with the emotions of not having my son home for my birthday (our birthdays are family affairs), and all of the other things we constantly juggle in our day to day lives.

This is why I am so glad that God allows us to be vulnerable. That he doesn’t require masks that declare ‘all is well’. Growing up in a house of boys, I quickly learned that weakness and emotion didn’t go over well with the males of the household. I was better off if I didn’t display those unwanted inconveniences. This was especially hard for me, a sensitive girl who empathized with all of those around me. I wanted to fit in, to be one of the guys, so I desperately tried to hide the softer side of myself.

Because I saw God as one of ‘the boys’, I didn’t know that it was okay to bring my weaknesses or emotions to the feet of Jesus. I didn’t understand that I could approach the throne of grace just as I was. This misconception caused me to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, a burden God never meant for me to bear.

Every flaw I hid. Everything about me that wasn’t perfect, I worked at perfecting. I tried in my own strength to make myself good enough for the King of the Universe instead of accepting that I would never be enough and resting in His grace for me. Of course, God knew this about me and all of mankind in advance. It’s why He sent His Son, why He showed His great love for us in this, while we were still sinners Christ died for us. See Romans 5:8.

So today, on one of those days where my emotions are showing, while I’m struggling to keep my weariness in check, and before I walk into the court of man; I am eternally grateful that I can approach the throne of grace just as I am. I can come before Him the wretched, grumpy, and tired woman I am, without pretense, allowing Him to see my weaknesses and laying them all down at His feet in humble surrender. I am thankful that before I must walk through the doors of an earthly courtroom today, I can come before the heavenly courtroom and find rest for my weary soul.

So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God. (Romans 5:11 NLT)

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (I Peter 5:7 NLT)

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (NIV)