More than a Band-Aid

Last week I was approached by someone who wanted advice on how to stop being a victim.  They asked me when I had stopped giving off the vibes that so many sexual assault victims give off.  You know, the ones that get us in trouble, the invisible ones that predators just seem to sense.  They wanted to know what I had done and how I had changed so that they too could overcome the devastating effects that abuse brings.

As I prepared my answer, I was aware that she wanted steps, things she could do to fix the problem.  But the only solution I could offer didn’t come from a checklist.  It didn’t happen because I had followed a program or read a book.   The outcome wasn’t a result of something I had done or didn’t do.  The difference in me was a result of healing and that healing came through the person of Jesus Christ.  

I knew that the message of the cross might be seen as a foolish explanation, but I also knew that it was more than a quick fix.  It had the power to transform lives, and it’s truth had transformed mine.  The message of the cross is foolish to those that are headed for destruction!  But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God.  I Corinthians 1:18 (NLT)

So I offered her the only truth I had to give.  I would like to share it with you as well.

Reader,  

I’ll be honest with you.  I didn’t stop giving off vibes until I got my healing.  My healing didn’t come until I admitted to myself that I would never be enough in and of myself, but that Christ had made me enough through the blood of His sacrifice.  I accepted that God doesn’t love me because of something I can do or something I can bring, but He loves me with an unexplainable love.  I can accept that love and grace as the free gift it is or I can try to earn it. If I try to earn it, I am stuck in a vicious cycle of wrongs and rights, successes and failures, and constant comparison.  If I accept it, then I have to trust Him with all that I am, completely surrendering to Him and resting in His love.  It means that my self worth isn’t tied to who I am, but to who He is and what He says about me.  There is such a freedom in knowing that no matter what someone else thinks or knows about me, they do not have the power to change how God feels about me.  When I am faced with feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, or failure I remember who I am and who I belong to.  It makes all the difference.  Because I know that I am one of God’s adopted princesses, the apple of His eye, I can face hard things with courage.  My circumstances and the thoughts and opinions of others no longer have dominion over me because I am a Child of God.  That is my identity.  Now I know that my size, my weight, my figure, none of that matters.  At the end of the day it doesn’t matter whether I attracted or repulsed someone.  God is all the approval I need.  Does any of this make sense?  Knowing who I am gave me the courage to set healthy boundaries.  (Gave me the courage to rest in someone else’s care.)