I have been operating in a ‘Lord, here I am send me, send my family’ mindset for the last few years.  It has been an almost daily prayer, a prayer that we would put our agendas out of the way and be ready to re-align our wills with God’s whenever and wherever He directed.  That was, until last week when God’s will threatened my comfort zone, the relationship I have with my oldest son.  

That morning on my way to work, I had asked God to direct my son’s steps, to send him down the path that God had prepared for him.  I had asked God to have His way with my son.  BUT, that was before the text that rocked my world, the message that knocked the air from my lungs.  That was before God asked me to face my biggest fear for my oldest child and not just face it, but live it.  

In that moment, I went from a Samuel like faith, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening” to a Moses like interaction with God.  ‘Um, Excuse me, Almighty King of the Universe who Knows Everything, I think you picked the wrong person for this job.  You see, I’m not qualified.  I’m a mom that actually loves her kid and wants a relationship with him.  You’re asking me to not just let go and let him soar, but you’re asking me to give up knowing where he is and being able to contact him.  That’s just too much for my mommy heart.  Didn’t you mean to ask the mom down the street, the one who can’t wait to give her boy the boot?  Isn’t that the woman you meant to call for this mission?’

But even as my heart, mind, and spirit warred within me, I knew the truth.  I knew that this was a part of His plan and that He chose me because I wasn’t qualified.  He was giving me an opportunity to grow closer to Him.  A call to go even deeper in His Word.  My mission, should I accept it, was to rely on His strength so that He could have glory even in this affliction of my heart.  

In order to do this and do this well, I must abide and remain in Him.  I have to remember that I am loved by the King of the Universe and live it out loud.  Meaning that I must re-surrender my wants and desires (daily if needed, honestly, I might want to make that hourly).  I must allow the Holy Spirit to re-align my will and bring it under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.  This is one more instance where I must unfurl my hands and choose to walk in complete abandon to my King.  

Is there something in your life that you need to lay down, a portion that you’re afraid to trust God with?  Has He been asking you to surrender it over to Him, but you’ve allowed fear to hold you hostage?  Is it time to unfurl those hands?  Is it time for you to take a leap?  

If so, will you join me in lifting our hearts and hands with complete abandon and surrender?  Will you also count the cost and choose to follow after Christ regardless of the turbulent storms around you, choosing the glory of God above all else?  

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.  (Psalms 9:10 NLT)

Have you ever read the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38-42?  In it we find two very different women, with varied approaches to life, and personalities as distinct as day is from night.

Martha is the steady, dependable, and predictable one (probably the older sister).  She sees something that needs to be done, so she does it.  She’s task driven.

Then we find Mary.  Mary’s the personable one.  She has the people skills.  She’s probably popular or at least well known.  And best of all, Mary knows how to live in the moment.

Do you find yourself identifying with one of them?  I do too.  I know who I always wanted to be (Mary), but the truth is I identify with the other sister, Martha.  Like Martha, I see a task and am driven to get it done.  Projects and checklists are easier than social interactions.  And like Martha, I too, have struggled with bitterness and petty jealousy toward the Mary’s in my life.

I used to read this story and wonder why on earth Jesus didn’t scold Mary into doing her share of the work.  I would find myself quite bewildered over the fact that he rebuked Martha instead.  

Um, Jesus…uh…Are you sure about this?  Did you really mean to scold Martha?  I mean, what has she done?  She’s doing all the work here, Lord.  These and other thoughts were part of the war in my head.  That is, until God revealed the true condition of my own heart.

God doesn’t see things the way that we do.  He doesn’t have a giant checklist of accomplishments he wants us to achieve.  We can’t earn his favor by works.  God looks past the shiny surface of our lives, as He clearly states to Samuel in I Samuel 16:7 (NLT): “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord doesn’t see things the way that you see them.  People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”     

So, what was at the heart of Martha’s complaint?  Was she keeping a tally of all she did compared to the others in her household?  Was she discontent with her lot in life?  Had her heart become ungrateful?  Was Martha stuck in a cycle of trying to earn acceptance?  Was she trying to prove to herself that she still had worth?  What was she really mad about?  But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing.  She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work?  Tell her to come and help me.”  But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details!  There is only one thing worth being concerned about.  Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:40-42 (NLT). 

 Whatever caused the angst in Martha had all of her time and attention.  Instead of noticing that God made flesh was in her home, wanting her time, she was focused elsewhere.  

How about you?  Are you stuck in a cycle of comparison, discontentment, or striving that you just can’t seem to let go of?  Is your thought life and focus so bogged down with the things of this world that you no longer see clearly?  

If so, He is right there waiting for you.  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28 (NIV).  He’s waiting for you to lay down all of the things that mar your vision and focus, all of the things that consume your mind.  He wants to be the focus of your life.  “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  (vs. 29)