I love certain adages as there is so much wisdom you can glean from them.  Lewis Carroll wrote a great one that I based the title of this blog on, The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.  This is one that I wish I could get myself to not only hear and say, but to put into practice.

If only I would catch myself at the very first thought of I feel the need for speed and slow myself down.  Instead I allow my gait, my movements, and my mind to speed up to a breakneck momentum that drains all of my peaceful resources and doesn’t get me any further ahead.  In fact, once hurriedness depletes my restful spirit, I’m never able to refill without coming to a complete standstill.  

If only I could sit myself down and have a chat before I become like Speedy Gonzales from the Looney Tunes cartoons.  “Faith, I know that I sound like a broken record, but you do not have to increase your speed in response to the stressful traffic in your life.  You can say no.  You can delegate.  There is only one you and you can only do so much.  Other peoples lack of preparedness or procrastination isn’t your emergency.  Don’t be so quick to jump and engage immediately.  Listen, take time to process, and then respond from a place of grace and rest, not from an empty vessel.”    

Since sitting myself down for a coffee and the above conversation isn’t an option, I will have to choose to be diligent to notice the triggers that cause my feet to accelerate so quickly.  I will need to heed these warning signs by seeking out pauses, peaceful streams, and quiet reflection.  I will then choose worship over motion.  I will allow God to be my shield against the stresses of this life by seeking refuge in Him first.  

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.  Psalm 3:3 (ESV)

I cried to the Lord with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill.  -Selah-  Psalm 3:4 (NKJV)

I love the word, Selah because it is a call to stop and reflect, to pause and think, to ponder and heed.  And when I reflect on the above verse, I’m amazed that He (the God of all Gods) (the King of all Kings) hears my voice when I call.  Me, insignificant little Faithie Foo-Foo as I used to be called.  What an awesome King I serve that He would incline His ear to me (to us).   

I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications.  Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.  Return to your rest, O my soul, For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.  For you have delivered my soul from death, My eyes from tears, And my feet from falling.  Psalm 116: 1-2, 7-9 (NKJV)  

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today’s trouble is enough for today.  Matthew 6:34 (NLT)

Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say, “It is well, it is well with my soul.” -It is Well

We have the choice in whom we take refuge and in whom our soul responds to.  We can respond to the every day stresses by resorting to busyness or we can seek and allow our spirit to find refuge in God.  I hope that you will join me in taking refuge in the King of All instead of giving in to a hurried and harried spirit.

I had a very candid discussion with someone two days ago and that person was me.  I am physically the most stressed out I have ever been in my life and if you knew what had been going on around me you would agree.  But it’s not all of my responsibilities, the numerous changes I am walking through, or even health questions that have me snowed under.  The stress I have been overwhelmed by was and is caused by avoidance.  

I know that I talk a lot about surrender.  And that’s because I truly believe that the only way to walk in freedom is to live a completely surrendered life.  But living a surrendered life does not mean that you avoid acknowledging pain or that you forget to allow yourself time to grieve.  Which was something that I had been doing unknowingly.  

When my grandfather passed away last Thanksgiving, I was in the middle of preparing to say goodbye to my oldest son.  In fact, it was only 6 weeks away.  Because I had such mixed emotions over my son joining the Corps, and I was trying to show support even though I was dying inside, I forgot to grieve my loss.   

After my son left for the most grueling boot camp Parris Island has to offer, I knew that he would need me to put on a brave face and only send encouragement.  So every day, I wrote faithfully to him, stuffing aside my emotions so that he would have the support needed to follow his dreams.  

When my son graduated it was at the start of the COVID out-break and everything was shut down.  I didn’t get to be there to cheer him on as he achieved the dream he had sought after for so long.  Even then, I didn’t have time to pause for the fresh grief I was feeling.  Ever the mom, I continued to cheer him on and offer the loving support I knew he needed.  

And there was also a book to finish writing, editing, and launching and a life at home and work to continue living.  So I pressed on.  Since I was spiritually and mentally doing well, I didn’t even realize all of the emotions that I was stuffing aside or pushing through.  

I think it’s the heart of a caretaker.  Whether it’s as a mom or as someone taking care of a loved one.  We know they need our support and we forget that it is okay to admit to ourselves and to allow others to see that we’re grieving along the way.  We’re losing something we love, our life is changing, we’re in the process of saying goodbye.  

As someone who advises other to walk through their grief, and process their emotions, I found it appalling that I hadn’t done the same with mine, but I hadn’t.  I didn’t even know that I was grieving for my grandfather until I drove through Tennessee recently on my way to a funeral.  When the front bumper of my rental car came side to side with the state sign, every bit of grief and loss I had been avoiding came flooding in.  So I began the process of releasing my grief by talking about and sharing memories of one of the most important men in my life.  

In the same way, I didn’t know that I was grieving the loss of my son (even though he is very much alive) until he showed up to surprise me.  This mom was overwhelmed by all of the emotions she had stuffed inside especially the tears she shed knowing she would soon have to say goodbye.  

I find it a little bit ironic that on the eve of a new year, a time of saying good-bye to the old and hello to the new, I was learning to mourn and to say goodbye to an old relationship and hello to the new one that was emerging with my son.  

On Thursday the 31st of December, while sitting in a doctor’s exam room, I found myself ready to say goodbye to the old no matter how hard and to embrace the future no matter how unknown.  Is there something God is asking you to say goodbye to, to part ways with, to release so that He can bring you into something new? 

Have you ever found yourself like Moses, standing before God trying to talk Him out of what He’s asked you to do?  “You know God, the great I Am.  I know that you are revealing yourself to me in a miraculous and amazing way as a burning bush and all.  And I absolutely love the ideas that you’ve come up with.  They are  awesome and if those were the things that I was good at, you know,  people and talking, well then I wouldn’t hesitate to take you up on your proposal.  But at this time, with the talent and abilities that you’ve given me, it’s just not gonna work.  I have to decline your job offer.” Sound familiar?  

For me it does.  I used to strive for perfection.  It was my goal, my finish line, you could almost say it was the thing I worshipped.  But then God stepped into my life.  He asked me to step out in faith into what I wasn’t good at promising He would be my strength.  He asked me to display my weaknesses in writing for all to see so that He in me would get the praise, glory, and adoration for the life changing work He’s done.  

But even in my obedience there are still hard days.  Days and weeks where it would be easier to say, “God, if you would have chosen, (insert name here) this really would have gone a lot better.  You would have drawn a larger crowd, gotten a better outcome, and more desirable results.  But those thoughts are lies.  God chooses us, like Esther, ‘for such a time as this’.   And like David He uses the little guys to defeat the giants.  Like Moses He uses those that struggle with Words as His spokespeople.  God uses our broken vessels, our weaknesses in order to display His glory, His workmanship, and to reveal Himself through us.  

So today I remind myself that I want all that God wants for me.  The hard, the things beyond my strength and endurance, the call to things I’m weakest at so that my life might be an offering of surrendered praise, a beacon that points to life’s saving grace and purpose, the glorification of our King.

Last week I got a call from someone who told me that they had tested positive for the dreaded virus.  It got me thinking, what if I was the one tasked with cleaning their home, car, or work area?  What would that look like?  How would I approach it and what would I do to keep myself safe?  I would like to ask you the same questions: Today, if you had to fight the Coronavirus head on what would you don before entering the skirmish?  A hazmat suit?  Gloves, a mask, clothes you could burn?  What would you take with you into that battle?  Lysol, heavy duty disinfectant, a blowtorch (not suggesting by the way)?  What would be your protection when you entered that room?

I know what I would take into that fight.  I would don coveralls, my purple disposable gloves, the most lethal disinfectant I could find, rubber boots, a mask, and last but not least goggles.  Oh, and I almost forgot, ear protection.  Overkill?  That depends on who you ask.  How about in your daily walk?  Do you walk into work, do your shopping, drop off the kids, and run errands donned with the correct battle gear?   

So many of us face our every day battles unprepared and without any armor or protection whatsoever.  Many of us have found ourselves at one time or another going through life in our own strength and on our own terms which leaves us exhausted and defeated.  We were never meant to do life this way.  We were never meant to do life alone, unprepared, or in our own strength.  We were made to be in a relationship with our creator, made to gather our strength from the source of all knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.  We are called to clothe ourselves in God’s righteousness.

How do we do this?  Just like any other relationship, we must nourish the one we have with God.  We must prioritize it and spend quality alone time with Him.  When you’re thirsty you get a drink, if you’re hungry you look for food.  When you’re tired you seek rest.  But how often do we seek rest for our souls, for our spiritual wellbeing?  How often do we drink from the well of life, sit at the feet of all wisdom, or prepare ourselves for the ups and downs of everyday life by going to the very source of life itself?  

If we don’t go to the source Himself, we will go through our days unprepared for what we must face.  We need rest.

–Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of your who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29 NLT

We must have food and water.  

-Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life.  Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again.  Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” (John 6:35 NLT)

-“But whoever drinks the water I will give him will never be thirsty again!  On the contrary, the water I give him will become a spring of water inside him, welling up into eternal life!” (John 4:14 CLB)

We must know who we are.

-“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.  I have called you by name, you are mine.  When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.  When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.  For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1a-3a NLT)  See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.  And that is what we are.  (1 John 3:1a NKJV)

We must have a source of strength.

-“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.” (Isaiah 12:2 NIV)  

We must be equipped with the right gear for the fight.

-Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil.  Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.  Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness.  For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.  In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.  Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion.  Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere. (Ephesians 6:13-18 NLT)  

Are you equipped for the battle ahead?  Are you plugged into the right source and wearing the right attire?

I love when God uses my kids to teach me things.  It always amazes me what I can learn through the lives of my children and our relationships with one another.

Last week when I packed my car at the very last minute and drove ten hours because I finally had the opportunity to see my boy, I thought I was doing it for him but I was really doing it for myself.  I had to see him with my own eyes to assure myself he was okay.  I needed to feed him and stock his barracks room to ensure that he was well fed.  I brought him clothing, other essentials I knew he was missing, and spent half a day tracking down a charging cord for the computer I was finally being allowed to deliver.  I did all of this because I love my boy, but also because it’s a need inside of a mother to nurture and take care of her offspring.  

While preparing to see him, I was thinking in terms of meeting physical and emotional needs, but what blew my mind and rejuvenated my spirit was how much my presence meant to that boy.  He didn’t really want my food though he did enjoy it.  He didn’t care about the bag of clothing or other things I brought though he did appreciate receiving them.  What he wanted was my presence.  He wanted time spent with me.  

As day two wound down and we still weren’t cleared to go past the smoking pit which was right next to his building, my son started to apologize for not being able to take me anywhere or being able to do anything except hangout.  He thought that I cared about bowling and all of the other plans we had quickly thrown together.  Those things while fun weren’t important to me, time with my boy was.   This is when it hit me.  

God had given me two days of literally soaking in my son’s presence.  There weren’t any distractions of having to go anywhere or see anyone.  It was just us.  That time together rejuvenated me mostly because my boy wanted to spend time with me.  He wanted to share his life with me, wanted to hear my thoughts, desired my input, and was so happy that I was spending my time with him.  I delighted in the fact that he wanted me there.

Have you ever contemplated the fact that God delights in our presence?  Have you considered that He’s overjoyed when you come to Him to share your day, ask for His direction, or just soak Him in?  God doesn’t just want our talents and resources.  He wants time with us.  He desires to have an intimate relationship with each and everyone of us.  Our time and our desire to spend that time with Him is a gift that He rejoices in, one that brings Him great pleasure.

God used this long overdue visit with my son to reveal to me how much He loves to spend time with His children.  When we come to God we are blessed by His presence, joy, direction, provision, love, grace…and so much more.  At times we’re overjoyed that He even lets us approach His throne and that He doesn’t hide His face from us.  But we seem to forget that God delights in us too.  He desires time spent with us.  He longs to share in our lives just like a loving parent longs to be a part of their kid’s lives. 

‘For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty Savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness.  With His love, He will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.’  Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT)

‘Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!  I John 3:1 (NKJV)

Nothing can make you feel as helpless as the desire to help, but the inability to do so.

~This year God has called me away from the tangible ability of problem solving service to the front lines of prayer.  He has asked me time and time again, to surrender my natural fix-it woman desire and instead go to Him through prayer.

~Surrendering my problem solving capabilities wasn’t too hard, that is until it involved my own children.  It was okay when God asked me to pray for my son even though we hadn’t received any correspondence and my mommy senses knew something was wrong.  (It was he had pneumonia).  But I surrendered in prayer because I at least knew where he was.

~It was okay (sort of) when God again prompted me to hit my knees in prayer because the start of the pandemic was going to keep us from attending our oldest son’s graduation.  The graduation that he had worked so hard for and the worst part was that we weren’t even able to warn him before hand.  

~But as time went on it got harder and harder.  Not only were we not allowed to see our boy, but we were unable to communicate, and even unaware of his location.  The only thing my husband & I knew for sure (besides that our son’s phone was broken) was that he couldn’t stand one more minute of being sequestered away, not even for his own safety.  Our son needed daily purposeful interactions in order to thrive, to have hope.  He needed life to go on, a routine to look forward to.  Being locked away from the outside world was killing him.

~For me not being able to offer help was one thing, but not being able to hear my son’s voice so that I could gauge how he was doing was another.  This absolutely broke my mama heart.  I didn’t want to pray aloud about this.  I wanted to fix it.  I didn’t want to hit my knees in prayer.  I wanted to storm the castle walls that were preventing me from having access to my boy.

~But and I mean BUT God was calling me into a new kind of prayer life, a new kind of surrender.  I could fight Him on this and do absolutely nothing or I could do something that might not change the situation, but would at least change me.  So I began by pouting out loud, (yes, I had a Jonah moment).  “God, I want to see my boy, to hear his voice, to fix this.  I don’t want my only option to be to come to you in prayer.”  

~OUCH!  As soon as those words exited my mouth, I wanted to recall them.  Talk about instant attitude change, those words caught my attention and my prayer immediately changed.  “God, I don’t really want my will in this, no matter how much I believe that I do.  I want your will for my son.  I want you to have your way in my son’s life, in my life, in this world.”

~And just like that I realized that I had once again taken ownership of a problem that God wanted to be Lord of.  So, I unfisted my hands and laid my son, his well being, and our relationship before the Lord in prayer.  

~I ran to my refuge, my fortress, my Hightower so thankful that He wouldn’t regard me in anger, but would welcome me into His presence.  

~Where Does Your Help Come From?

While I write this, I’m once again sitting at the River Walk because it is one of the places that I go to hide in God.  One of the places I find refuge and solitude.  A place where I can throw off all that distracts me and abandon everything to the King of the Universe.  Today I’m almost completely hidden from the world, surrounded by greenery and watching as the sleepy waters slowly trickle by.  But I’m not hidden from God, in fact I know that He is right here with me.  He’s holding me as tears of helplessness roll down my cheeks.  I’m wrapped in His loving arms and presence as I worship Him in my heartache.  He’s giving me strength and building me up for what is to come as I surrender the problem that weighs so heavy on my heart over to Him.  Today I am so thankful for my Father’s Love.  So thankful that nothing is impossible for Him even when it’s impossible for me.

What impossibility are you facing today?  What mountain do you want moved?  Have you turned it over to the King of the Universe?  Have you released it to God in prayer?  

Remember when everyone was wearing these initials W.W.J.D. on jewelry and asking the question, ‘What Would Jesus Do’?  Of course before long it became a cliche and like all fads, faded away.  But if we as Christians are called to live our lives in a way that honors God, we must ask ourselves the same question, ‘What would Jesus do?  How would He respond to today?’

Our society is currently fraught with fear, anger, uncertainty, despair, and violence.  We see it all around us whether we’re locked in quarantine or going about our daily lives in as normal a way as possible.

Fear is evident in almost all social interactions.  It’s placed a divide between us that is greater than the density of the mask we wear and wider than the 6 feet of safe distancing required.  Anger and violence are on display like never before.  We see it in the worded missiles thrown at one another over social media, hear it in the  news reports, and experience it in our streets.  New uncertainties rear their ugly heads every day through virus reports and in the differing opinions of the health experts.  Sometimes it’s all too much.  Our senses are overloaded.

BUT we are the LIGHT.  We have the HOPE within us, the ANSWER to all of life’s problems.  So what are we doing with the hope within?  Are we shining our light or have we allowed fear to dim the brightness within us?  Are we sharing our hope or have we given in to the despair around us?  Are we pointing to the Solution to all of life’s problems (Jesus) or are we giving more precedence to the issues instead of the solution?

These are questions that I have been asking myself, my friends, and my family.  In prayer and in my quiet time I find myself asking this of God: How would you respond to life as we know it in 2020?  How do you want me to respond to the issues at hand, to the hurting around me?  What is your will for me in this?

When I asked that last question of God, it brought to my mind the words of Jesus in John 6:38 (NIV), “For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of Him who sent Me”.  Jesus always put God’s will first.  He lived out the mission God gave Him.  So, what would Jesus do right now?  

He would live just like He lived over 2000 years ago.  Jesus would live to glorify the name of God.  He would live his life with one goal in mind, to do the will of the Father, to bring glory to His name.  

 So what is the will of God for us who are in Christ Jesus?  I Thessalonians 5:15-18 answers this question.  See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.  Always be joyful.  Never stop praying.  Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (NLT)  

Did you catch that?  No matter what is going on in our lives or how we are being treated, we are to respond in love.  We are to choose joy, to keep a life line open to our creator through prayer.  We’re to be thankful in everything, the good and the bad.  We can’t do this alone.  We can’t complete this mission without the life changing power of the Holy Spirit at work in us.  Ephesians 4:21-24 tells us that since we have learned the truth that comes from Jesus, we should THROW off our old sinful nature and our former way of life, strip it off.  It then advises that we let the Spirit renew our thoughts and attitudes and it admonishes us to PUT on, like a garment, our new nature.  

If we are to walk through the rest of this year, may it be in the footsteps of Jesus who lived His life in total surrender to the will of God.  Then Jesus explained: “My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work.  You know the saying, ‘Four months between planting and harvest.’  But I say, wake up and look around.  The fields are already ripe for harvest.”  John 4:34-35 (NLT)  What field is God asking you to harvest?  What sacrifice is He asking you to make so that His will may done?  Are you ready?  W.W.J.D?

Have you ever tried to force your kids or spouse to straighten up and fly right in an intense situation?  Has it worked out well for you?  I can’t remember a time that it has worked out for me either, but I can name dozens of times that it hasn’t.  

If there is one thing I have learned about the family dynamic it is this, I can not be my husband’s or my kid’s Holy Spirit.  And guess what?  It’s not my job to do so even though I seem to have a hard time grasping this concept from time to time. 

The desire to be my husband’s Holy Spirit always tries to rear its ugly head when we are in the car together.  I desire to make it from point A to point B safe and sound and preferably in one piece while his desire is to make it in a specific time frame (one he has chosen).  

My husband is a planner extraordinaire.  He schedules absolutely everything and by everything, I mean that he even plans out his free time.  But the one thing he doesn’t schedule into his calendar are setbacks: like human error, variances in traffic flow, the many time steeling diversions that come with having a family (like running back into the house to retrieve something for the upteenth time), differing opinions in the ranks, or any of the other mishaps or inconveniences that make up life as we know it.  If he puts it on the schedule at a particular time, it better work or else (think Monica from Friends).  This means that he is always rushed and stressed to the max and it shows in the way he drives and interacts with those on the road around him and in the car with him.  

My husband’s intense rush to get to his next scheduled time slot can be quite scary especially when life interferes with his carefully thought out plans.  What I have to remember in these stressful times is that I can’t control his attitude or the way he drives.  I also have to remember that I’m not in control of his actions or behavior and therefore my suggestions on the the way he should act while driving in traffic should be kept to myself.  If I really want to help and aid him, the best thing I can do is pray and leave the rest in God’s hands.  

Does this quite the angry storm that is my husband?  Does prayer cause him to immediately come back in alignment with my idea of the perfect husband/driver/man?  Absolutely not, but it does cause me to quiet my own spirit and helps me to act in a way that honors God.  It keeps me from being a shrew and from throwing worded missiles and barbs into an already explosive environment.

Prayer reminds me of who I am, who God is, and what is really important (my own attitude for one).  Prayer helps me to keep my focus where it should be, it reminds me that I have no control, and enables me to hand the situation over to the only one who does.  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5